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05 October 2013 @ 08:37 pm
Fic Post: Getting in the Way of What I'm Feeling  
Title: Getting in the Way of What I'm Feeling
Author: Montiese
Category: Angst/AU/Drama/Romance
Pairing: Hotch/Megan
Rating: TEEN
Summary: “Don’t you ever get tired of my many issues?”
Author’s Note: This story is written in the Thicker than Water universe where the BAU are kids and teens.


“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know, you have a strange look.”

“I'm not looking at you in any way. And strange is a relatively term, Aaron. You'll have to be more specific.”

“You're looking at me as if you're going to stab me.” Hotch said in a low tone.

“I think you may have some kind of knife obsession, Hotchner.” Megan smirked when she said it. “I'm beginning to be concerned about this. You might want to talk to a trusted adult about your urges.”

“Oh ha-ha.”

Hotch turned over on his back and stared at the ceiling. He was dressed only in boxer briefs, it was warm in the room. Megan lay beside him, on her stomach, dressed in panties. They preferred being in the dark and not just because he hour was late. Sometimes when they talked it could get intense. Both of them were known to reveal personal things about themselves without prompt or provocation. It was easier when you couldn’t see the face of the person you loved the most.

“Is something wrong?” Hotch asked.

“Nope.” Megan shook her head.

“I don’t quite believe that. While I’ll never pretend that you're easy, I've become well acquainted with your quirks and cues. You’ve been a little off since dinner earlier. If something is on your mind you can talk to me. Maybe you'll feel better after.”

“Don’t you ever get tired of my many issues?” she asked.

“No.”

She liked the way he said it, so definite and sure. Megan wasn’t entirely sure she believed him either. She trusted Hotch but also hated herself sometimes for doing so. They’d been together now for almost a year. With any relationship there were going to be bumps in the road and her relationship with him was no different.

He could be stubborn and judgmental of things. Hotch was hard on himself as well as those around him. He held the world to a high standard that he knew it would never reach. Megan feared that he did the same to her. Time and again he proved her wrong but she could never think herself so special as to slide under that radar.

“You say I can talk to you about anything?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t want you to think I'm crazy.” She said.

“I wouldn’t think that, Megs.” He rubbed her arm. “I promise I won't think that.”

“You wouldn’t?”

“Why would I? I know sometimes you don’t have the best coping mechanisms and things get you down. That’s why I'm here to talk. I don’t just mean that as your boyfriend but as a person who likes you very much and wants you to feel safe and open. I would never think you're crazy.”

“I know when people lie to me and when they tell the truth.” Megan said. “I learned it the hard way.”

“I know.”

“You're telling me the truth.”

“Yes I am.”

“I still feel like what's been on my mind lately…it makes me feel crazy. I just don’t want to feel it anymore. It might be better to put it all out on the table.”

“What is it?” Hotch asked.

Megan sighed. Hotch turned on his side and moved closer to her on the bed. Physical comfort was always something she appreciated. It was to him as well though there were times he hardly knew how to make use of it.

With Megan it was almost effortless. With others, even those Hotch loved the most, he struggled. No one gave him a hard time. The entire family were works in progress. Hotch stroked Megan’s hair, feeling her relax under his touch.

“You're not in love with Emily, are you Aaron?” she said it so quickly she wasn’t sure if he understood. She kept going anyway. “I know we’ve talked about this a little before and it’s probably insane but it’s been on my mind so much lately. I've tried to stop thinking about it but I can't.

“She’s not your blood sister. I know you feel something for her. I'm an only child; I don’t know how this works. Everything I loved, or thought I loved, was taken away from me. Now I have you.

“It’s so unfair to put everything into my Aaron jar…it’s unfair to you and me. I just don’t want the rug pulled out from under my feet just when I feel like I can stand still and breathe. This is exactly why I don’t stay in one place emotionally. In the end it hurts too much.”

“Running away hurts too, Megs. No one can do that forever.”

He thought that was the best place to start the conversation. Hotch was an only child too. He never even had a friend until he met Jason in the boys’ home. His early life was so chaotic with the death of his mother.

And then the three years he was in his father’s care were filled with fear and neglect. When Alexander Hotchner died, Hotch got his freedom. It was all he had in the world. Being a part of a family, a big brother and mentor, someone people depended on, was not easy.

He and Emily Prentiss were not easy. Sometimes relationships, what people meant to each other, defied explanation. Hotch didn’t think his girlfriend would take that for an answer tonight. He planned to tread lightly but would go there. He had no choice but to go there.

“As much as I want to promise that I won't hurt you, you know I can't. One person can say something they don’t even think about and it can shatter another like glass. I don’t want to hurt you. I love you Megan, and I also like you. Making you happy brings me joy. Being with you is what I want. We’re together for a reason…I think we complement each other.”

“I think so too.” Megan nodded.

“Emily isn’t my blood sister but she is my twin. Do you want me to say she’s attractive? Everyone knows Emily is beautiful. She makes me laugh and pisses me off and sometimes she kisses me goodnight and I don’t even know how that makes me feel.

“Emily has loved Jason since the day I met her, and I love you. I hope there's never a time where the two of us aren't close. I'm not going to ask you to get over that but I need you to understand. I love Emily like I love Morgan, Spencer, and JJ. I'm not in love with her.”

“I'm being completely insecure, aren't I?”

“I don't know.” Hotch shrugged. “When I see guys talking to you I feel uncomfortable too. Life is complicated sometimes.”

“Tell me about it.” Megan snuggled closer to him. Hotch wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead. “I really like your family, Aaron. I'm so glad you're around people who love you and let you be you.”

“They feel the same about you. You’re the ninth Beatle, remember?”

“She loves you yeah, yeah, yeah.”

Hotch laughed. His smile remained when Megan straddled him. She was smiling too, running her fingers down his chest. When she leaned to kiss him, Hotch wrapped his arms tightly around her.

The kiss was intense and Megan moaned into his mouth. They rolled on the bed so that Hotch was on top of her. She threw her arms back, giggling as he kissed her neck and breasts. He ran his hand over her flat belly before slipping into her panties.

“Let’s just do second base tonight.” She gently pulled his hand back and held it in hers. “I know that usually…”

“You don’t have to explain yourself.” He squeezed Megan’s hand. “We don’t have to do anything at all, you know. That’s never been why I'm here.”

“You did hold out for a ridiculous amount of time when we first started dating.” Megan held their joined hands to her heart.

“I have a lot of willpower.”

“You're a saint amongst teenage boys, Aaron Hotchner. Saints and sinners always manage to find each other.”

“Both are better for it.” He said.

***

 
 
Where am I?: the lair
Feelings: okayokay
Background Noise: silence