You are viewing lairofthemuses

 
 
04 February 2013 @ 09:32 pm
Fic Post: The Profiley Profiler  
Title: The Profiley Profiler
Author: Montiese
Category: Family/Humor
Characters: Derek Morgan, Ellie Spicer, Spencer Reid
Rating: TEEN
Summary: He knew Ellie well, almost better than any kid. It was like she was his kid, except she wasn’t his kid, but it was like she was.
Author’s Note: I was minding my business on Tumblr and someone posted a Criminal Minds confession saying there should be more Derek and Ellie and this story came to life. I always love writing kids and she’s especially sassy.


“Morgan.” He still had his eyes closed as he reached for the phone.

Not sure if it was late or early, Morgan didn’t even want to open his eyes to find out. All he could be sure of was this wasn’t one of his teammates calling about a case because he was in some hotel room somewhere. He couldn’t even remember what city at the moment. That meant it was probably early.

“OK, so there's this boy…”

“Are you serious?” the voice woke him up. “I called you a week ago and left a voicemail and you didn’t call back. Now there's a boy.”

“This is important.” Ellie insisted.

“I think when there's a boy for a girl who likes boys it’s always important.”

Morgan sat up in bed. He stifled a yawn, wiped his eyes, and looked at the alarm clock. It said 6:12 a.m. He was going to get up in a half hour anyway so he could exercise. Reid was still sound asleep beside him drooling into his pillow. Not wanting to wake him with lights and noise, Morgan crept out of bed and went into the bathroom. The fluorescent light was blinding.

“You sound funny.”

“Yeah well that’s what happens when you wake someone up at o’dark thirty.” Morgan replied.

“No way, I'm up and about to go to school. Don’t you have to do FBI stuff today?”

“I'm doing it as we speak. We’re in…OK, I don’t really remember where we are right now.”

“Don’t you ever get tired of traveling?” Ellie asked.

“Yes. Now tell me about the boy.”

“His name is Pete and I just want to put out there that I don’t like him. Just remember that.”

“You don’t like him, got it.” Morgan turned on the water and filled a tumbler sitting on the vanity counter.

“OK, so I don’t like him but he is kinda cool. He’s funny and really smart and he likes bugs and stuff. He really likes bugs. He's kinda like that guy on TV…um, Grissom, except he's a kid.”

“So he’s a bug enthusiast?”

“Yeah, and he likes me. I just asked him flat out. I wasn’t gonna but then I decided I was gonna, so I did. He said he did.”

“So what's the problem?”

“Morgan, boys are dumb.”

He could tell she was making a face when she said it. He knew Ellie well, almost better than any kid. It was like she was his kid, except she wasn’t his kid, but it was like she was.

“Don’t you think you'd be more comfortable talking about this with your mom?”

“Uh uh.”

“Are you two getting along OK?” Morgan asked.

“Yeah.”

“Ellie, you know one word answers lend toward untruthfulness.”

“I really don’t like it when you do the profiley stuff.” She said.

“No, what you meant to say is that you really don’t like when I do the profiley stuff to you.”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

“Are you and your mom OK?”

“We’re cool Morgan, I promise. She’s just so much different than me. She’s so business suits and perfumes on the dresser and she listens to really bad music. Well she likes Journey and they're not so bad. Daddy and I used to listen to them in the car sometimes.

“She took me to see them in concert but it was the fake lead singer not the real one. It was OK. She goes away once a month for work and I get to stay with Shoshanna from the sitter agency. She has much better taste in music. Don’t you two secretly talk about me anyway?”

“No.”

“One word answers lend to untruthfulness.” Ellie repeated.

“So what do you want to do about Pete?” Morgan asked.

“Well I want you to profile him. What if he's like a future serial killer or something. I mean Grissom isn’t but still…I just have to know. Not that I like him or anything but sometimes we eat lunch together and I don’t want to sound completely clueless when I'm interviewed for Dateline years from now. If it comes to that, that is.”

“I can't profile him.”

“Why not?” Ellie asked.

“The truth is that practically all kids and teens profile as sociopaths.”

“Whoa, for real? Even I would?”

“Yes, even you. The young brain isn’t fully developed and you guys engage in all kinds of activities testing out what feels good and what doesn’t. Like I'm sure when you were five or six you pulled a cat’s tail until it howled. You might not have realized you were hurting it but it falls under animal torture.”

“That’s one of the triads of the serial killer.” She said. “The others are late age bedwetting and fire starting.”

“All of which many kids do, some in abundance. That doesn’t mean they're going to grow up to be Ted Bundy. McDonald’s triad is horribly flawed. I'm not saying it isn’t true but it doesn’t have the proper scientific evidence to back it up. And I better not find out you're reading those true crime books. A lot of them are junk.”

“I’ll be sure to tell Rossi you think so.”

“His are fine but you're still too young to read them.” Morgan said.

“What do you want me to read, Twilight?” Ellie asked. “I’d rather drill screws into my eyelids.”

“Let’s not be overdramatic.” Morgan smiled. “And let’s get back to Pete.”

“He asked me to the eighth grade dance. You don’t have to take someone but it’s OK to take someone. And it’s not exactly as if I have a million friends or anything so I wasn’t even gonna go. But he asked me. What do I say?”

“If you do say yes that doesn’t make you his girlfriend or even mean that you have to like like him. Saying no is always OK Ellie. But saying yes to one thing doesn’t mean saying yes to others.”

“All this stuff is too hard. I think I'm gonna become a hermit.”

“And deprive the world of your awesome?” Morgan asked. “You better not. Don’t you have to get going to school?”

“Yeah, I’ll think about this some more. And you're sure you can't profile him?”

“I'm sure. But text me at lunch time with some info on him and I’ll let you know what I think. I’ll give you the unofficial opinion.”

“I'm not taking you away from important profiley stuff right?” Ellie asked.

“No, I can do it. Ellie you know you always call me if you need me right?”

“I know.”

“I'm serious. You can leave a voicemail and I’ll always return your call, hint hint. But if it’s an emergency you text me 911 and I’m on it. If I don’t call back in at least 10 minutes you can be sure I'm interrogating a suspect or strapped in Kevlar. I'm always gonna be here for you. I promise.”

“I know Morgan.”

“Now go to school and learn something great today. I’ll call you back before bed tonight.”

“OK, love you.”

“Love you too, kid. Bye.”

Looking at the clock on his phone, he knew it was past time to wake up. So he used the bathroom, splashed some cold water on his face, and turned on the shower. He missed his exercise time but talking to Ellie was worth it. If he hadn't heard from her in a few days he was going to call her mom and make sure everything was alright. Morgan still planned to do that when he got back from whatever city they were in. He was sure he would remember in a minute.

“We’re in Vermillion, South Dakota.” A voice came from outside. “And I need to brush my teeth.”

“Spencer, stop reading my mind from outside.” Morgan said.

“Can I come in?”

“When I'm done in the shower yes you can. Gimme 15 minutes. I know your teeth will be OK until then. If you must do it now I'm sure JJ and Blake will let you use their bathroom.”

Morgan got in the shower and got ready for his day. It would probably be a long one. The clouds were starting to clear…he remembered why he was there. Talking to Ellie and just having some “family” time would be the perfect way to wrap it up.

***

 
 
Where am I?: the lair
Feelings: okayokay
Background Noise: silence
 
 
 
( 2 had thoughts — Thoughts? )
rebak1ttenrebak1tten on February 5th, 2013 06:31 pm (UTC)
That's really sweet! Thanks for posting a nice, fun general fic!
SSA McGeek: Derek Morganmcgarrygirl78 on February 5th, 2013 08:04 pm (UTC)
You're welcome, I'm glad you like it : )
( 2 had thoughts — Thoughts? )